Am I the Asshole?

The other day I was with Katie and her parents and we were talking about the best times of our life. I don't really have a filter in front of people I know so I just spoke my mind and I basically said that the best time in my life was when I was in grade 12 and OAC which obviously is a time when Katie wasn't in my life. At the time I didn't really think anything of it, but now that I think about it, it's a pretty mean thing to say to the woman I love and the mother of my children.

So last night I asked her if she was offended when I said that and she said no but I'm not sure if she's being totally honest.

I explained to her that at that time, I was very confident in myself, my dad was still alive, I had no stress like I do in adulthood and I was just in a really great place mentally for most of grade 12 and a large part of OAC.

My dad being alive is the only thing that really matters to me out of all those points. I struggle a lot with the death of my father and I would do almost anything to have him back in my life. The thought of my father not seeing my children grow up just sucks the life out of me on many days. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't think about him.

I miss you so much dad, I'm sorry I wasn't a better son.